Messy Parent Gender Transition, 8 panels, 2019

Background of the comic

A short story about communicating gender identity during the process of transitioning and in the context of parenting. The story was created for the US-anthology, ‚How to Wait‘ 2019. Under the images is a screenreadable version as text.

Visual version of the comic

Text based version of the comic

Joris is white and in his 30s. In this comic he is a trans man in the middle of his female to male transition. Some people think he looks like a man, some people think he looks like a woman.

He is talking to his kid's kindergarten teacher while in the foreground his 6 year old plays with a huge pile of wood blocks. Joris says, “Can you please not call me his mom, but his parent or by my name?” To which the kindergarten teacher replies, “We were waiting for you to tell us when to start.” This makes Joris think: How polite, right? But wait, I already came out to you. This isn't new”.

Joris comes out at the parents meeting. Adults of different background and skin color are sitting in children-sized chairs arrangend in a circle. Some look engaged. Some confused. Some bored. Joris speaks up, “So, my kid calls me mom, but my pronouns are he and him.” In his thoughts, Joris reprimands himself, “Oops! Now everybody thinks they can call me a mom too!”

Joris' kid has a playdate. Joris and another dad stand in a kitchen talking. In the foreground two kids are enthusiastically chasing each other, throwing up dust. They are donned in wooden swords and shields and robes. The playdate's dad says to Joris, “Oh, so you want us to use he and him pronouns?” Joris, somewhat perturbed, starts to say, “I thought you knew...” But the dad is unfazed and says, “I was waiting for you to tell me when”.

Joris has invited a young woman who will be his kid's new babysitter for an intake conversation. They are sitting across from each other at a table in a bakery, with hot drinks and a croissant. Joris explains to her, “So he'll call me mom at times, but mostly by my name. You however, I want that you say parent.”

Joris and his kid are in their own kitchen at home. Joris is flipping a pancake, dressed in jeans and a flannel shirt. His kid is in cute pyjamas with planets and stars and bare feet. He is stirring the batter and has to stand on a small stool to reach the counter. They are engaged in a discussion. Joris says, “I'm not angry about how you poured the batter, I'm still upset the shopkeeper called me your mom.”. His kid asks, “Why don't you tell him not to?”. Joris answers, “I don't want to talk about my feelings to every shopkeeper”. Quietly to himself Joris says“or call attention to myself in public”.

Joris and his kid are lying in his kid's bed together. Joris has a book in his hand like he is about to read to his kid. His kid is snuggled in his blanket. Both look very happy. Looking up at Joris, his kid says, “You're the best mom-dad in the world.” Joris says, “and you are the best kid.” After a pause Joris says, “You know, I don't mind it when you call me mom, only when others do.” In his mind, Joris thinks, “Totally true!”.

Joris and his kid are in a city metro train. They are both wearing hoodie sweaters. Joris puts a coin into the cup that a man with shabby hair holds out to them. The man with the cup says, “Thank you young lady.” Joris' kid immediately asks Joris, “Did you mind that?”. Joris says, “No because I'm in a good mood now...”. But then he continues by saying, “However, I might remember it later and mind it then.”. And that's how the story went!!